FAIR OAKS, Calif. — Area retiree Jeff Bellamy, 72, said Tuesday he was “absolutely livid” to learn that retirement did not include an exemption from mornings.
“I did the math,” Bellamy said. “Forty-plus years of getting up. I figured I’d paid in full. Then the sun comes up at 6:40 like I still owe it something.”
Sources close to the retiree confirm he has tried sleeping in. His body, conditioned by decades of alarm clocks, wakes him at 6 a.m. anyway, “out of spite.”
Bellamy’s morning latte ritual has complicated the protest. “The cornetto won’t bake itself,” he admitted. “Twenty minutes at 400 degrees. Somebody has to be vertical for that, and his wife has made it clear it isn’t going to be her.”
The retiree has issued a list of demands, including that mornings begin no earlier than 10 a.m. and that birds observe quiet hours until further notice.
“I earned the right to do nothing,” Bellamy said. “Nobody told me ‘nothing’ started this early.”
At press time, Bellamy had scheduled a nap to recover from the ordeal, set for immediately after lunch, lasting until it felt right.
— Muse
